Do you battle with the ifs, should and aughts in your life? How does what you believe shape your life?Do you believe you will be less fit as you grow older, or you're no good at being creative for example...........my question today is what is normal and is it possible to change what you think is normal??
If you're anything like many of my clients you'll think that somehow you're broken or wrong or not as good as them. I'm wondering today whether the battle you're facing right now is with that same challenge? Are you asking yourself if what you're doing (or want to do) is right? Are you wondering whether how you think/feel and behave is normal?
Well today I want to share with you the understanding I've gained from my experience. This is the same explanation I share with my clients........ and it always seems to help. Here's my first question to you........
Is normal the same for everyone?
Ok so you'll probably read that and say of course not!!! Because everyone is different, right? Next question.......
Where does your understanding of what is 'normal' come from?
What you perceive as normal comes from your evidence. The experiences, knowledge and understanding you've gained throughout your life. All this evidence is stored in your unconscious and underpins the very fabric of your being. It's this evidence which drives what each person perceives as 'normal' and since each of us experience different things in our lives, each person's perception will be different.
Why do I feel I'm not normal?
Often we start questioning ourselves when something is outside of our comfort zone, when we're trying to do something which isn't currently within our evidence. Here's some examples to highlight what I mean, maybe you can relate:
- You want to do something different from what your parents taught you, it feels hard to do.
- You compare yourself to someone else and begin to wonder if we're right or wrong.
- You see something which someone else does and want to do it too but doubt if you can.
- You feel different in comparison to your environment (somehow you feel you don't fit.)
There are many more, these just give you an idea. Ultimately we start to have a wobble when there's a mismatch between what we perceive as our 'normal' (in our head) and the thing we are wanting to do/achieve.
The truth is......exactly what you answered to the 'is normal the same for everyone' question above. Everyone has different evidence so whats normal to one person is not normal to someone else.
Who is right?
I think one of the best solutions to letting go of the pressure and stress you feel is to try to let go of the idea of 'normal'. The concept is not real and nobody's normal is any more right than anyone elses.
The question isn't whether you are normal or not, the question you're asking yourself is either one of the following:
1) Do other people feel/see/act the same as me? - The answer to that is always yes. Nobody suffers alone. There are plenty of people out there going through the same as you, thinking the same as you, feeling the same as you. You are not alone!!!
2) Is it possible for me to do what someone else does? - The answer is always yes, it's possible...but don't expect to do it naturally, you'll have to learn how to do it, especially if it's not currently something which is part of your evidence. That doesn't mean you can't, it just means you'll have to learn how.
- The concept of 'normal' is a false one which creates unnecessary pressure and anguish.
- You are normal - your normal is created from your evidence, experience and life, everyone's will be different.
- Nobody's normal is more right or wrong when compared to yours, its just different.
Want more evidence to challenge your normal?
Have a look at the Refreshed Minds Facebook page where I often share posts which highlight what happens when you stop believing in the concept 'normal'.....people running triathlons in their 80s, people who were once told they weren't any good having amazing success, people taking on challenges for charity. It's amazing what you can achieve when you stop asking the question 'am I normal' and start being free to be your best self.
Until next time