My thoughts on this are...it depends how long you've been feeling not good. There is a massive difference between having a bad day (or few) and being trapped in negative thoughts and distortions which have gone on for a long period of time. Today I'm going to talk about both.
Person 1: Do you need a Bad Day??
In my observations people run away from feeling bad. They feel they have to be chirpy all the time. Have to always be having a good life and feel they have to be continuously smiling and happy. This is rubbish!!! We all have bad days, days when we just want to hide under the duvet, eat rubbish and watch trashy TV and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!! Research shows that bottling things up is really bad for our health. So you can either have one bad day or lots of 'I generally feel grumpy days??? I know which I prefer. So have a bad day once in a while and go for it!!!!
Stop running away from having 1 bad day.
If you're due what I call a Trash Day.......clear your diary, notify your significant others (tell them you don't want consoling just need to fall apart for a day, you're fine and will check back in with them tomorrow). It's ok to be a crying, dribbling mess, feel the whole world is wrong and have a bad day. It clears the air, gets those emotions out and makes you feel a whole lot better. Then go to bed and awake up tomorrow ready to face the world.
You don't even have to do it at home. Go for a long walk, sit somewhere and fall apart, book yourself a little room away somewhere.......just stop running away from feeling bad and accept that it's perfectly ok.
We all have them........so go on.........have a guilt free bad day!!
Person 2: Every day is a very Bad Day?
Depression is a growing challenge in the world these days and I never underestimate it's power. They say depression can start with repetitive negative thoughts and lead to distortions in your thinking which leave you in a downward spiral of despair.
Many people with depression feel like every day is a bad day.
But help is out there. I've helped many people with mild-moderate depression and within a few sessions they've started feeling better so I thought it would be nice today to tackle one of the more common challenges often felt by people with depression, which is overgeneralisation in their thoughts and language, examples would be, I can't stand this, why is it always me, I'm such a loser etc.
If you look at these statements they are really generalised, and often the sufferer never questions them but instead just accepts them to be 100% true. The trick is to catch yourself saying the overgeneralised statements and question them e.g:
- is it 'always' you?
- can you really not stand it?
- are you really a loser?
I often ask where's the evidence or what tells you that?..........then really question the answers. This approach is also used in CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and can be very effective. The trick is to start really questioning those distorted thoughts rather than just letting them roam free.
If you'd like to know more techniques for overcoming negative thoughts there's lots more help in my free video series feel free to give it a watch.
How to make yourself feel good
So how do you make yourself feel good when you just don't want too?.....Here's my advice:
I hope that's helped. Let me know your thoughts and how you're getting on in the comments box below, I always love to talk about these sort of things.
Until next time.
A friend of mine's son broke his leg really quite badly and was in hospital having it plated along with some physiotherapy to get him back on his feet. Every day his mum visited the hospital and told him he wasn't good enough because he should be back on his feet by now. She told him he should give up anyway because it wasn't worth him trying and how stupid he was for breaking his leg in the first place......on and on every day she told him these things knowing that this would make him better..........she went to the hospital two weeks later and was flabbergasted to find her son still lying in bed feeling sorry for himself...........
Are you screaming at the screen right now??? Saying what the hell, how dare she say those things.....obviously that isn't going to make her son better, she should be supporting and helping him!!!!!
But how can you say that because this is exactly what you do........every single day!!! Every day you berate yourself via your internal dialogue.......telling yourself over and over how rubbish you are, how you should be feeling better by now.....how stupid you were to get yourself into this mess etc. And whats more your shocked because you feel low in energy and sorry for yourself.
You probably even say worse things than I wrote above!!!
If you want to thrive through tough times the answer is simple........do to yourself exactly what you'd advise in the story above. You need to increase the support, compassion and care......and that doesn't just mean expect it from everyone else and you'll get better....it means do it for yourself!!!!
Use your internal dialogue to give you strength, support and love......be kind and be realistic. Pushing yourself harder, berating your efforts and dragging yourself down will only lead you one way......then don't be surprised when you feel low on energy and feel you can't cope. I'm pretty sure this is how my friend's son would feel after that barrage of abuse.
Abusive language hurts just the same whether it's said to you from outside or from within.....it still does the same amount of damage.
Make a promise to yourself right now. I will increase the amount of compassion, support and care I give myself. I will never say to myself something I would not say to a friend who is suffering. This is my pact!
Now make sure you stick to it!! Keep this story in your mind and question your actions. Does your internal language help you to get better??
Don't run from tough times, they can be your finest hour......just take a breath, be kind to yourself and thrive on through.
Until next time