Oh, who are you kidding you're no good at that!!!! Screamed my brain because I decided to try something different.......followed by, 'you're going to make yourself look like an idiot'......'what will your friends think' and 'don't kid yourself, you'd be best just giving up now.' Does any of this sound familiar??
Good, cause this is me.....and pretty much every human being at some point. We humans are terrible for it and some of us could be Olympic champions. Ever had just one thought and bam 2 minutes later you're useless, not good enough, a waste of space with a massive confidence issue who might as well drown yourself in chocolate, alcohol and self-pity. Pass me the blanket and a soppy girlie movie!!!
STOP!!!!!! What?????? Have you actually ever questioned ANY of these statements whizzing around your head??..........
- Who says you're no good........you haven't even tried it yet so how could you know you're no good at it?
- Who says looking like an idiot is necessarily a bad thing or that others are even going to care enough to be watching.
- And go on..........actually WHAT will your friends think??? Probably 'good on you' if you actually asked them.
- And which kid did you ever know who fell over umpteen times and said, nah this walking thing isn't for me???? To master anything takes practise.
Our heads are terrible at spouting verbal rubbish and we never question it. We just take it as gospel and crawl back under our duvets too ashamed to come out, thinking we have a massive self-confidence issue.
How to Squash that Self-Doubt
The answer to overcoming self-doubt is to never let those thoughts go unchecked. Ask yourself, is that true or say the statement out loud - if it sounds ridiculous that's because it is!!! Think 'would I say this about a friend?' If not what right do you have to say it about you?........Do something, anything to show yourself that what your brain is saying is just verbal rubbish. Nothing more, nothing less.
The seriousness of Self-Doubt
Really???? When did everything get so serious!!! The challenge, as I see it, is that people take this rubbish too seriously and the trick is to lighten up. Laugh at how creatively appalling your mind can be, how mischievous and cheeky. It's like a small child trying to get your attention and seeing how far it can go.
The problem is your mind knows you better than you know yourself.....it knows exactly what will hurt, what will play on your biggest insecurities and it uses them to its best advantage......THAT DOESN"T MEAN IT'S TRUE!!!! Don't believe me......phone a friend.
A trusted friend knows you best
Sometimes you just can't see the wood for the trees and you need someone to give your self-doubt a little perspective. A trusted friend can help so give them a call or go for a coffee. They can see you better than you can see yourself. WARNING: They'll probably laugh and say......really!? You're kidding right. Do not be alarmed, they are actually telling you the truth.
What you see about yourself is often completely different to what other people see. If you could see yourself through someone else's eyes you wouldn't worry half as much.
If you are suffering from terrible self-doubt:
1) Question those inner statements, don't let them go unchecked.
2) Lighten it up - everyone has those moments and it's refreshing to marvel at how creatively mischievous your mind can be.
3) Ask a friend - they know you best
And finally, move on.........there is such a thing as too much time on our hands, if we have too much time to think our brains work some amazingly appalling magic. Find a hobby, get out of the house.....switch your attention, just don't give it time to think so much.
I hope this helps you feel better and gives you some practical ways to squash that self-doubt. If you'd like more help understanding how your brain works watch my free video series there's even more support for you there.
Remember: Feeling self-doubt is a normal part of being human, the question is 'is what you're telling yourself actually the truth?'
If you have a way of conquering self-doubt which has worked for you, why not share it so others can benefit. I always love to hear your thoughts.
Until next time
Does your imagination impact your feelings? Are your fears real or imagined? Today I discuss the power of your imagination and ask.....do you (like so many others) use it to create evil or to generate good? And, how can you use it better??
I've always been fascinated by the mind and like to learn more about how and why we do things. My friend gave me a book by Helen Graham (The Magic Shop) which talks about Imagination and Healing. It's been a real fascinating read and my treatment rooms I've often been surprised by the amazing impact people's imaginations can have. I really think we don't give our imagination enough credit in western society.
Many people I speak too see their imagination as childish and something which they were told to grow out of and were told over and over to 'grow up'. Some of my other friends are artistic, creative types who love nothing more than diving into their imagination and harnessing the best it can create.......but what impact does our imagination have on our confidence?
Does your Imagination have an Impact on Your Confidence?
Your imagination can really be your best friend or your worst enemy. The roots of self-doubt and niggling feelings of worthlessness often stem from fear, which is your imagination's perception of what could/may happen.
The result of this imaginative process is often the phrase, 'I can't do it!!'. But really it's just your interpretation of the situation. Let me explain......I'm sure you've experienced this.......within two seconds your brain goes from calm to 'oh my what if this, this or that happens,' with each thought adding another layer of terror. Each one taking you further until your a jittery, feeling low, 'oh my I can't do this' mess. Sound familiar??
I haven't met a single person yet who doesn't do this, its part of being human!!!! But those thoughts are a product of your imagination, of you thinking up things. And this kind of negative use of your imagination can really tear stripes off your confidence.
But there is another way and it's so powerful when I teach this technique to my clients, so that's exactly what I'm going to do for you today......read on.....you may be surprised at how simple it actually is!!!
How to harness the power of imagination for good.
If you can use your imagination for creating such vivid examples of what could and might go wrong (just like I mentioned above), you can equally use that same imagination to create what could go right. It would use the same process and be just as powerful, the only difference is where you put your focus.
So if you feel yourself slipping down that negative slope of doom say 'STOP' and ask yourself, 'what is it I do want in this situation' ask yourself that question over and over until your mind gets the idea and begins to flow in the right direction.
This may take practise, it's probably not something you've done before. You've spent years with those negative imaginative thought processes whizzing round your head. So every time a thought creeps in which isn't helpful say 'STOP' and refocus on what it is you do want.
After a while this will start a new much more beneficial habit and really support your confidence.
Here's some examples.......
1) I can't do it - STOP - what do I need to be able to do it?
2) I'm such a failure - STOP - tell me about all the times I've done well.
3) I might as well give up - STOP - I need a break, I'm being too hard on myself
4) She/he does it so much better than me - STOP - what can I learn to improve what I do.
I'm sure you think of a whole lot more than these!! It can sometimes be helpful to get a piece of paper, write out your thoughts and think about how you could change them similar to the ones above.
The negative process will never stop entirely!!! As humans we are designed with this instinctive negative bias so your brain won't stop weighing up the 'what ifs' of any situation but that doesn't mean you are at the mercy of your brain........you can decide and switch the focus.
The more often you do this switching exercise the easier it becomes but this is about mind management. You need to learn when this type of thinking is helpful and when it's eroding your confidence. And when it's the latter use this simple technique to refocus. I've been doing this for 5 years and although I am much better at spotting and switching these thoughts it still sometimes catches me out, you can't get away from human nature but you can manage it better.
Start now.....I promise this good habit will serve you well.
Until next time
PS. If you'd like more understanding of how your brain works have a watch of my free video series.
PPS. I'm always happy to help, if you'd like to share your experiences or ask me questions please comment in the box below.
One of the girls said it was the first time she hadn't felt worried, when she literally had something to wear and something to sleep on. The simplicity of life seemed to provide a sense of calm for her.
I can relate to that, de-cluttering always gives me a better sense of order and calm and in my experience with clients, our heads are often overflowing with stuff which really isn't ours to worry about. Getting rid it all can be very freeing.
What could you not live without?
Later in the week a friend of mine posted on social media asking if you were being taken away for the weekend which one of the following items would you have to take (this was a girlie group so apologies men I'm sure your list would be very different!) Would you take:
A - Dry Shampoo
B - Your jewellery
C - Make up bag
D - Your phone.
My answer was simple.....none of them. Ok so they would all probably be nice to have but none of them would be 'oh my I simply must take my........or I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself.' My thoughts are......I am me, I'm comfortable being me so take me as I am or not at all.
I can't help but feel saddened that people don't have enough confidence in their own self to exist without these kinds of cultural norms, fearing that people would feel less of them or somehow they wouldn't be good enough. In the TV programme not a single person was ostracised when they didn't have their best clothes, make up etc.....in fact on the whole people seemed to warm to them more!!!
Does Social Media make us worry more?
I couldn't help but feel I was a little 'weird' as the only one who answered 'none' to the question social media question posed above. Despite my admission of confidence being a positive it was dented a little because I was the odd one out. Funny how your brain works isn't it!!!
I think it's hard to feel good about yourself when you're constantly comparing your life with other people's.
Equally the people on the TV programme I mentioned above had mixed experiences when it came to social media, some got their phone back pretty early , while others waited. One girl came off social media completely after the experiment.
I love the fact social media allows me to keep in touch with people but I think it's so easy to get swamped by it and worry you're not fitting in. I'm as guilty of this as anyone but I'm improving.
So what do you think? Does having stuff just make us worry more e.g. 'I have to have this, that and the other to feel good? Or do you feel having lots of stuff eases your worry and makes you happier? I'd love to know your experiences and thoughts.
I've certainly found more peace when I've de-cluttered both my life and my head. I purposely try not to get involved with things which aren't mine and to live a simpler life but I have to admit sometimes it doesn't come naturally and takes practise!!!
Until next time.